Enough riff-raff already. Who is the man of mystique whose life revolves around drinking bad soda, trying to maintain sub-par grades, and made the Groove Machine go from "unknown" to "still kind of unknown" in status?
If you are kind of retarded, I'll give you a hint. ME. Still haven't figured it out? Then avoid microwaves, because that's how the aliens will impregnate you. Don't forget to drink plenty of cod liver oil, too, because that's what makes Wookies strong.
For those of you who don't suffer from serious mental deficiency, I made a sort of biography. Uh, yeah. Read it.

Name --- David Crosby

Kind of like that singer guy? --- Same name, but the only difference is that I can't sing, can't play a guitar, and I'm not a cokehead.

Height --- Vertically challenged. I never really measured myself.

Weight --- 157

So your short and fat? --- Actually, I'm pretty lean. Despite my relatively soft image, I can pick up twice my weight. Or at least I used to be able to...

Who is/are your natural enemy/enemies? --- I really hate people who are soooo nice that it feels like they're holier than thou art. I won't say his name, but my nemesis is that kid who beat me in class elections for president three times. Ugh. Then again, I indiscreetly think of him as an evil twin.

Why did you lose the elections? --- No one cared about my political radicalism as much the fact that I'll never have as much exposure as my evil twin. Ouch.

Maybe you should try and be nicer to this other person? --- Nah. Not worth the trouble. Besides, I think he loathes me deep down inside.

Personal philosophy --- The second you're thrown from the clouds and onto the misery of Earth, you begin a realization that accumulates into a divine wisdom. Before you can truly share your wisdom with anybody else, the gods pull you back up, record your thinkings, and erase your findings. Before you know what hits you, you are cast back down.

Umm, that's kind of a long and dumb philosophy --- So what? I didn't ask YOU for an opinion.

Religion --- 'Protestant' for those who try to affiliate themselves with the false majority, and Falun Dafa on the inside. Kind of like the chocolates with a crunchy, bland shell with a sweet, mysterious inside.

You like using adjectives, don't you? --- Who doesn't? "I'm going to merrily jog into my purple car with the fuzzy seats."

Um, is 'merrily' really an adjective? --- What do I look like, an English major?

N*Sync or Backstreet Boys? --- Neither. I actually prefer the Beach Boys instead. At least Brian Wilson had a life that couldn't be summed up in a tiny magazine article.

So you like listening to the Beach Boys? --- Hey, I said I preferred them to the other two groups. Much like I prefer the New Kids on the Block over the two. But one cannot deny that "Good Vibrations" was kind of trippy (at least, it was when it came out).

So what are your favorite bands/singers? --- Dead Kennedys (their extremist sense of taking music to a new level, both politically and in the spirit of rockingness, is admirable), Sex Pistols (ditto), Beck (crazy lyrics with throbbing rythym), the Doors (if making his own religion to partying wasn't enough, Jim Morrison was also a great electric poet), Adam Flaherty (smart-ass songs that will rock your face), Gorillaz (one of the few good manufactured bands).

Favorite movies? --- Pootie Tang, The Wizard, Quiz Show, Farenheit 451 (the book was good, too), Monty Python: The Quest for the Holy Grail, Hackers, Austin Powers, Mallrats, and Clerks.

Wal-mart or K-mart? --- No brainer, K-Mart. I prefer stores that don't create poverty in their wake. Also, I'd rather pay the extra 3 bucks than have a shirt that was made by little children.

What the hell is this 'groove machine' thing? --- I made it out of a joke and my own personal dementia. I've gotten sick of conglomerates who shamelessly try to appeal to youth. The Groove Machine is an 'invention' that tries to rid the world of corporate greed. Basically, it's the spirit of rock n' roll, jazz, blues, rap, and other genres of music (that don't suck, like folk music), that morph together and battle the man.

So, do you like pop culture? --- HELL NO! I try to distinguish myself as the 'anti-pop culture'. I don't follow trends, I encourage people to make their own. If you can't be true to yourself, then you're a sheep ready to get raped by Corporate America.

Corporate America? --- You know, all the companies that will put an ad anywhere they can. These companies include, but are no limited to:

Who do you think would win a fight? Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Bruce Lee, or Jackie Chan? --- Chuck would be the first to go down in the kumite of death, mostly because he doesn't know what he's doing anymore. Jet Li would go down next, mainly because he's a poser. Jackie Chan would be be next, as his hands are his only weapons. The corpse of Bruce Lee would win hands down. I mean, even though he's dead the only thing that can keep him down is six feet of dirt.

What video game systems do you have? --- Far too many to list here. I have an inventory page for that shtuff.

Favorite Soda --- I LOVE Moxie with all of my heart. I used to like Tab (it's flavor rocked!), but when I found out on the bottle that it said that it gave cancer to small lab animals, I stopped. When Moxie isn't available, Dr. Pepper will do. Root beer used to do it for me, but now there are so many damn brands with different flavors that I have no idea which to pick. It's like playing Russian roulette; some are okay, while others are downright nasty.

Martial status --- I used to be a blue belt in kempo-style karate.

Marital status --- I have a girlfriend right now, and I dig her style. She's sly and cynical.

Any licenses at all? --- I'll be getting my driver's license soon. I do however have a Maine license as a timekeeper in the sport of professional wrestling. No crap. It's awesome because I get to go to shows free, AND I get the BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE! I mean, sure, I have to do stuff, but I STILL GET THE BEST SEAT IN THE HOUSE! GWA HA HA HA HA!


TO BE CONTINUED